The Cost of Custody Wars

The Cost of Custody Wars

I was speaking with a business mentor the other day because he told me I needed three items to complete before he would show me his system. I will discuss the two that have affected me this past year: capital and credit. Before I went to court, my middle score was 745 (middle score is the average of three). For the past nine months since my court experience ended, I have been rebuilding my capital reserve because I thought my credit score was still where it needed to be.

I overlooked the fact that I had maxed out three cards to pay for necessary court expenses (i.e. lawyers, ad litems, and mediation fees). Maxing out those cards changed my debt to income ratio which subsequently dropped my middle score to a 610 (I need my score to be at a 680 or higher) so the capital I have been building, I will now have to pay down the accumulated debt from going to family court which will raise the credit score, and rebuild the capital once again.

Three banks will be drained if you decide to go to court: your emotional bank, financial bank, and your peace bank. So consider the cost. In my situation, I had no choice. I was told I would never see my son again and I was not going to stand for that scenario.

It is not all bad though. Some people go through extreme situations and find a path to peace. I spoke with some clients on Wednesday morning--an elderly couple who have been married for 60 years--who shared a story about their son.

Years ago he was dating a woman who got pregnant and attempted to abort the baby. When that did not work, she vanished. And to add a sidenote, being a “baby momma” is a mind set. It has nothing to do with color because the couple in question is white. Eventually, she was found about a year after she had the baby, but left the father’s name off of the child’s birth certificate and would not allow him to see the baby. He did what he had to do he took her to court.

A paternity test was ordered. He was the father and the judge scolded the woman for her actions and accordingly, gave the father visitation rights. For him, it was inexpensive; he just paid the court fees.

I told my client that was horrible. But she said,

“J.R., this story has a happy ending.”

“Impossible,” I thought.

“Prayer works,” was her simple reply.

The little girl started asking to be around her dad more and more until the mother started working with the father. Eventually, their relationship grew until they dated again and became husband and wife. Now, they are one happy family.

Fellas, or should I say “Fathers,” peace is possible. But if you are in an unreasonable situation, the custody war may be your only option. If the goal is to establish order, then it is always worth it.

I cut a deal in consideration of what is best for my son. His best interest is what matters most. Fathers create order.

 

                                                                          J.R.’s Son