The Cost of Custody Wars

The Cost of Custody Wars

I was speaking with a business mentor the other day because he told me I needed three items to complete before he would show me his system. I will discuss the two that have affected me this past year: capital and credit. Before I went to court, my middle score was 745 (middle score is the average of three). For the past nine months since my court experience ended, I have been rebuilding my capital reserve because I thought my credit score was still where it needed to be.

I overlooked the fact that I had maxed out three cards to pay for necessary court expenses (i.e. lawyers, ad litems, and mediation fees). Maxing out those cards changed my debt to income ratio which subsequently dropped my middle score to a 610 (I need my score to be at a 680 or higher) so the capital I have been building, I will now have to pay down the accumulated debt from going to family court which will raise the credit score, and rebuild the capital once again.

Three banks will be drained if you decide to go to court: your emotional bank, financial bank, and your peace bank. So consider the cost. In my situation, I had no choice. I was told I would never see my son again and I was not going to stand for that scenario.

It is not all bad though. Some people go through extreme situations and find a path to peace. I spoke with some clients on Wednesday morning--an elderly couple who have been married for 60 years--who shared a story about their son.

Years ago he was dating a woman who got pregnant and attempted to abort the baby. When that did not work, she vanished. And to add a sidenote, being a “baby momma” is a mind set. It has nothing to do with color because the couple in question is white. Eventually, she was found about a year after she had the baby, but left the father’s name off of the child’s birth certificate and would not allow him to see the baby. He did what he had to do he took her to court.

A paternity test was ordered. He was the father and the judge scolded the woman for her actions and accordingly, gave the father visitation rights. For him, it was inexpensive; he just paid the court fees.

I told my client that was horrible. But she said,

“J.R., this story has a happy ending.”

“Impossible,” I thought.

“Prayer works,” was her simple reply.

The little girl started asking to be around her dad more and more until the mother started working with the father. Eventually, their relationship grew until they dated again and became husband and wife. Now, they are one happy family.

Fellas, or should I say “Fathers,” peace is possible. But if you are in an unreasonable situation, the custody war may be your only option. If the goal is to establish order, then it is always worth it.

I cut a deal in consideration of what is best for my son. His best interest is what matters most. Fathers create order.

 

                                                                          J.R.’s Son

Who should spend more time with the children the father or boyfriend?

               I was saddened with horrible news this past Tuesday; I was told my barber was shot the previous week four times at Serious Cigar’s in Houston Texas.  I immediately knew that he was shot by the boyfriend of the ex wife.  The media tried to paint this as a love triangle.  It is way deeper than that in my opinion out of respect for my barber and the present investigation I will not comment on this horrific tragedy.  I will ask for your prayers and financial support, I will post a link for his gofundme page.  Especially if you are a Father please give what you can it’s time for Fathers to stand together.  Although I won't share my barber’s story I will speak on my own personal experiences attempting to co parent with a baby momma and please read between the lines because our stories mirror each other.                  

               If you were able to listen the recording I posted I asked my sons mother who was watching my son she replied his daddy, the nigga that takes care of him in reference to her boyfriend.  I had an issue because my son’s behavior was changing at that time he would cry when he had to return to his mother’s residence and he was not even two years old.  Our first day of court was December 4, 2012 and it was revealed that one week out of the month she was working at night.  Instead of telling me her work schedule changed she allowed her boyfriend and others care for my son at night while she worked.  Fathers do not delegate responsibility to boyfriends that weak shit is for baby daddies.  And what is sad is she is not with this guy anymore they broke up a couple of months back, she now has a new boyfriend who already spends the night for my son to see.  I am in complete support of her being in a healthy relationship, but is dick hopping acceptable behavior in front of the children.

               My barber is in stable condition at the moment fighting for his life, the seed of tension always starts the with baby momma.  Tension is not the only tile on a mosaic there is also confusion and chaos.  They tell the father one thing and the boyfriend another and the two men stir up hatred for the other until words become blows and blows become shots.  Adrian Peterson lost a child, my barber’s son could possibly lose a father, and in November 2012 I could have beat the breaks off my son’s mother for her comment but at what expense? The children always lose when things are out of alignment and there is no order.  So should the boyfriend spend more time with the children than the father? 

It is time for fathers all over the world to stand together and support each other and share our experiences, and move towards peace so please share and if possible give what you can to support a fallen father whom will soon rise.

What Is The Purpose For Child Support?

Every state has different child support laws; I happen to live in Texas where 20% of the non-custodial parent’s income goes towards the first child. My son is three years old and I currently pay 0 dollars in child support, yea that is right I said currently meaning I was paying. Like Floyd Mayweather is undefeated in boxing, I am undefeated, 1 and 0 vs. baby mommas. Real women and real mothers should be appreciated and supported for the dedication, baby mommas should consider getting their tubes tied and quit with "The 18yr Hustle."

I spoke with a very close personal friend last night who shared a personal experience he had with a single mom he dated. He was dating this particular mother and she told him that she wanted to quit her job and further her education. He thought that was awesome until she revealed her plan. Her plan was to quit her job, and go to the attorney general's office and ask for an increase in child support, so the Father could cover her expenses. My friend told me he called her the next day and terminated the relationship with this young lady. He said that the Father was a good Father and he could not believe her diabolical plan against him, all legal I might add. In Texas every couple of year’s custodial parents have the right by law to ask an increase in support. I commend my friend for ending his relationship with her.

I remember filling child support on myself a couple of years back because I felt I was being extorted, I simply wanted a fair deal and attempt to remove my sons mom from my ears and my pocket. In the attorney generals office in Houston, Texas I was ready, the lady behind the desk explained to me in so many words that child support reimburses the custodial parent for expenses such as food, clothing, and shelter. Well that is fine I mean married men pay 100% so what is a fair number for unmarried men? But the real issue that baby momma's are spending the money on hair, nails, and Usher tickets. The support is not directly going to the children, in some cases it is even going towards the new boyfriend.

I want to thank two mothers in particular whom I know personally Chasta Winslow and Nadia Green. They both are true examples of what motherhood is about, they understand that GOD is the real source and not running to the system to destroy men. I salute both of you. To be clear I am not saying child support is wrong but rather are baby momma's concerned with the best interest of the child or the best interest of their pockets. Are baby momma's good financial stewards?

The whole system needs to be revamped, how would you change child support laws?

My Challenge to Baby Momma's

1. Get off the bullshit stop running to the courts for increases in child support when the support is clearly not for the child.

2. If you happen to have an involved Father, get out of your feelings if the man does not want to be in a relationship with you and let him be a Father. (Stop interfering with his visitation)

3. If you are lucky enough to have a child by a good man, until you are mentally fit give the child to the Father. In my experience Fathers want to be involved but the courts limit access.

Baby Momma's need Fathers but Fathers need to be involved with the children and in most cases a real Father does not need a baby momma.

 

   

The Untold Story Of Fathers

I would like to thank the President for his speech last week My Brother's Keeper.  The President was transparent when he stated how upset he was growing up without his dad in the home.  It is very easy to spew facts about the affects of fatherless households, it is also easy to blame the so called deadbeat dad.  Any man who walks away from his responsibilities should rethink that choice. 

     There is an untold story of fathers being frustrated having to co-parent with evil, vile, and vindictive women.  Where is the discussion of fathers who provide financial support yet when the mother is upset she can deny his visitation rights and the only hope a father has is attempting to go to court.  A father having to co-parent with a baby momma is the real epidemic not necessarily the father not being in the home.

     For two months I have been attempting to secure a passport for my son but of course I need consent from his mom.  I have sent emails and even a certified letter.  In  my emails I explained how I would like my son to travel the world and if possible during the summer months live in different countries to learn different languages and learn about different cultures.  I picked up my son this past Wednesday at our designated location.  I gave the passport consent forms to her brother.  I called her on Friday February 28th to ask her if she received the forms.  Her response "I ain't signing no motherfucking papers for no fucking passport."  I said "OK" and hung up the phone.
She left me a voicemail with her reasoning.  Now you would think she would be in fear of me kidnapping my son, or global terrorism.  Basically this woman wants our communication to be phone calls only, I told her that will not work because she uses profanity when discussing the child and if I ask her for information about our son she avoids all questions.  I was calling about a passport and she is talking about us talking on the phone.  I am world traveled, I have even lived in a different counrty, I am just a father wanting to share that experience with his son

Fathers if you are denied a healthy request.

1.  Get your game plan from God.
Only God can give you the best game plan for peace.
2. Document all experiences.
Document everything to find the best strategy that works
3. Never argue with a baby momma
Baby Mommas love to argue, don't give them the satisfaction holding your tongue is more powerful than, responding
4. Stay the course
What ever course you and God set, stay on path, stay on message, and stay in purpose.  It should always be about the best interest of the child.

                                                                              By: J.R.'S SON